Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Life has always been unpredictable.
I am very thankful to be alive. Very thankful that I am born in a safe and secure country, and I never had to struggle to survive in turbulent times, even though I often felt very sore about having to go through much more than my peers, and therefore growing up much faster than the average joe, thus shortening my childhood. However, I am still thankful for that as reality is the best education.
Every lesson learnt in life contributes to my life experiences and that has allowed me to attain greater heights in life; they shaped me to become a person less ignorant, and a person more sensible.
Most importantly, I have learnt to cherish good times through bad times.
This, despite the fact that there were many times I went to bed hoping that I will never have to wake up, and waking up wondering why didn't I die off in sleep.
Those were thoughts that came to me when I felt lowest in life.
No. I am not an escapist. Yes, I do run away from problems. Contradicting?
When something happens, I usually tend to run away from it, because i need to cool down. However, once I sort my thoughts out, I will do my best to solve the problem.
This explains why I am still around till this very day, even though I was once suicidal.
I had always thought that I was sick of life. I always thought that I have had enough. I always thought that there is nothing in life that could have been worse off that what I was going through. Most importantly, I always thought that I had wanted to die. Till the day I was on the brink of life, did I realise that I had always wanted very much to live.
I had cheated death not once, not twice, but thrice. Don't ask me how, don't ask me why. It just happened, somehow.
It was that very night when I was really suffocated and had to fight for that very bit of air (oxygen) to keep myself alive did I realise that I really did not want to die; not yet. Not when I am in the peak of my prime, not when I have many unfulfilled dreams, not when my sisters have grown up, not when I have repaid my parents unconditional love, not when my grandparents have attended my convocation (it has always been my granny's wish to see me graduate from university), not when my friends have made their mark, not when .........................
When I could finally breathe normally, after what I felt was infinity, I started to think differently; I started thinking about what would have had happened for i were to die at that very instant.
I thought about how my loved ones will take the news of my death and how upset they will be (judging from how worried they were when I was coughing constantly), how my funeral will be like and what will happen to what I left behind; like my belongings, my bank account (though miserable, but it was saved with great efforts), and most importantly - my pets.
My pets are the greatest love of my life. No, not that none of you are any inferior to them, but I have always believed that everyone around me will cope with my death with time, all except for my beloved pets. Though I hardly spend much time with them these days, there is this chemistry between us which we have built over the years; just one look at them and I can guess what they want, or what they are up too. Maybe it's my observation of their constant display of similar behavior over a period of time, maybe I had just imagined what they would have wanted, but I will still like to believe that we share this telepathy no one else could have. That could be the reason why I am usually the one who discover their first signs of falling sick, and that I could sense their mood.
One day, if I were to really die before anyone of you, please do not feel sad nor sorry for me. As I have once said I have lived with no regrets, despite the fact that I have almost zero achievement/s in my life for I have put in my best in doing everything, so long as it is within my capable means. I have lived my life to the very best.
I once went to this workshop, and the coach once told us that if you were to touch one person's life just once, and that very person touches 3 other people's lives, and that very 3 person were to touch 9 other people's lives, we would have been the reason why this world is a better place to live in. The Multiplier effect works wonders.
We may laugh at how candidates of the Miss Universe all mentioned unanimously that they had wanted World Peace, when this world seems to bring more desolations than hope given the endless wars and innocent deaths.
I personally feel that World peace is within our reach, but not yet. We may be small as an individual, but we are definately Not insignificant. We can change the world.
Therefore, if death comes knocking on my door, please do not cry for me, for I think that I have lead a very meaningful life if I have touched your life once, just once.
Should there really be any, my only regret is to not touch your lives once more.
I-dreamt-of-a-cavalier at 3:33 am
wishesGALORE
1) Go for Charity Dog Run
2)
Bring the Poochies out!
3) Set up an Adoption Blog
4) Donate money to Charity
5) Convince my friends to donate/volunteer at Charity as my birthday gift
6) Volunteer
7) Go Ubin
8) A Nice Over Night at Sentosa
9) Pudding to Blend in Well
