Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I'm feeling lousy. I have always been feeling like that. I used to think that my emotional changes has largely to do with my monthly hormone changes.
It's only recently when I start to think things through, did I realise it's all in my thoughts and incidents that I've been through since I was young.
For some reasons, I always feel like I'm worthless. In terms of capability, I pale in comparison to many, simply because I am less capable. But when I'm expected to accomplish something, I'm always left to be on my own feeling helpless, because others think that I'm capable enough to stand on my own feet and they would prefer to save their time/efforts/love/concern/companion on people who 'need it more than me'.
So, where does that leave me? I'm neither on the top, nor the bottom. I'm just dangling in the middle of nowhere.
I thought that these were things of the past and it'll be over once I grow out of childhood. But, why is this still happening now? Why am I always a 'second class citizen'? Will I ever be placed in 'first position', for once?
Sometimes, I really wish I can just leave everything and everyone else behind, bring my furries to a land that can accommodate all of us, and start life afresh. Other times, I just wish that I can be with Dopey; I miss her dearly.Labels: Emotions
I-dreamt-of-a-cavalier at 1:02 am
Monday, July 21, 2008
I wish my parents can stop spoiling my sisters. I know they are trying to give their best, but you are not doing your best when you spoil your kids. If it is, then why didn't you spoil me?
I know this may sound like I'm making this statement because I'm jealous, but I'm not. I find it way too difficult to handle my (younger) sisters anymore. All because my parents tend to give in to their requests more often than not. Now they tend to throw endless tantrums with bad attitudes when things don't go their way.
Even when they are just requesting for something and we can't accede to it. Even if it wasn't mentioned or mutually agreed upon. Even when I've explained how much inconvenience their acts will cost us. Even when I compromised by changing a certain criteria so that things will be much easier for us. Even when .........
When will they learn?
Even my dogs are spoilt.
I've sacrificed a lot of my personal time, fun and play for everyone's sake; pleasing them, making things convenient for them and making them happy. What do I get in return? I don't even hear a thank you. All I hear is 'please', 'don't be like that la', 'I promise you' (Promise my ass. It's only words that I hear. Words with no actions.) etc. Just because we are a family, you think a 'thank you' is not necessary? I'm not expecting formalities. I just want to be appreciated for what I have done. Any more and I'll quit being the sacrificial lamb.
I wish I was the only child, so I didn't have to handle such situations. (Don't be mistaken, I don't detest nor hate them. In fact I dote on them a lot.) I wish my parents had more time for me, so they will communicate with me and understand how I feel. I wish my parents can put themselves in my shoes, so I won't have to feel so miserable all the time. I wish my parents haven't had me in the first place, my family would have been perfect without me.; even my neighbours didn't know I was my parents' daughter.
I wish I can disappear this very moment. I'm so sick of being stuck between making decisions for my own sake and making decisions for other's sake. I wish I didn't have to play the 'devil' when I'm not going to get anything in return.
I wish ...Labels: Emotions
I-dreamt-of-a-cavalier at 12:50 am
Friday, July 11, 2008
I'm still awake at this hour, surfing on more information about AVA rulings and HDB rulings, pet forums, googling for cat boarding, emailing a cattery on their rates and ask for reference for a good and cheap boarding area.
All thanks to that idiotic and heartless resident who called the Town Council to complain about the cats. They almost had to be euthanised, just because a resident is not happy with the existence of the cats. (I'll update it on Sugar's blog when I'm free.)
I always find it the butt of a joke when AVA has an animal welfare department when it put animals to sleep for no apparent reason. Oh no, there are reasons, and if people of other countries read them, they are going to find it ridiculous. Some 'good' reasons are as follow. 'They are not allowed to be reared in hdb', or 'There are just too many stray cats around' or 'People complain about the cats'.
It's even more amusing to read AVA's defination of what being a responsible cat owner is. It says 'provide all it basic needs, ie shelter. Now, they go to people's housing estate and/or houses, confiscate their cats before putting them to sleep. How to provide those felines their basic necessities when both HDB rules and AVA rules do not allow residents to rear cats at all?
Does that mean that only the rich who can afford private properties can then rear cats (and dogs not approved in HDB flats)? Then what is that suppose to mean? Only the rich and wealthy can 'enjoy' such privileges? Is that a kind of mockery to the average citizen like us?
I am really very sick of being restricted by these rulings that do more harm than good. For that, I really look forward to moving out of Singapore to an animal-friendly country. Sounds like a bad move, but the rulings have affected me so much that I have to resort to this.
A lot of westerners are shock by how un-compassionate Singaporeans can be towards animals, especially if they come from France and Germany where pets are allowed on public transport; people travel with their dogs on trains and buses, without having to 'hide' them in carriers. I do understand why dogs are not allowed in Singapore's public transport, mainly due to us being a multi-racial society and I do not want to risk having racial riots due to that. However, there is still much space for improvement.
If you think I'm complaining because I am a cat person, then you are so wrong. I am more of a dog person. I have never grew up with cats in my house, and have yet to 'officiallt' own a cat. I don't mind the presence of a cat, but I will definately prefer a dog. Not because I think that cats are less intelligent, but just a personal preference.
Sighs.
Grumbling doesn't help, at least not in Singapore's aspect. I shall save my time on catching my sleep, and prevent myself from falling sick. My head and throat hurts a tonne. I can't afford to fall sick. I have yet to search for a boarding place for my cats, settle their problems, bring the cat to the vet, send the rabbit for grooming, bring the dogs for behaviour classes and the list goes on .....
Labels: Animals
I-dreamt-of-a-cavalier at 4:07 am
wishesGALORE
1) Go for Charity Dog Run
2)
Bring the Poochies out!
3) Set up an Adoption Blog
4) Donate money to Charity
5) Convince my friends to donate/volunteer at Charity as my birthday gift
6) Volunteer
7) Go Ubin
8) A Nice Over Night at Sentosa
9) Pudding to Blend in Well
